House of Lloyd

I am starting to feel like Job. I don’t know how much more that I can take. So we lost a baby, then the roof has a leak, a storm took out the gazebo and now…… David’s new office space was part of the Great Downtown Canton Fire of 2009. Most of his damage is due to water, but water and electronics are not a good mix. Everything in the building is lost.

Back in September when David and I planned to stay home for the holidays we had no idea we were expecting. When we found out we were going to be having a baby, we thought it’s good we planned on staying home for the holidays. With our loss I am so thankful that the plans to stay home were already in place. I don’t think I could have done Christmas with extended family this year, especially since several family members are expecting and our loss is so recent.

Overall today was pretty good. I hate that my day can be trucking along and something simple can make me loose it. This afternoon as we left for the Christmas Eve service we checked the mail. There was a card in the mail that was meant to be encouraging and uplifting, but it just hit me the wrong way. All I wanted to do was crawl in bed and cry– not go to church.

Well we were able to get both Caleb’s and Madilyn’s room painted in 2 days. Now we just need to find time to do the rec room. Maybe shortly after Christmas. I really would like my garage back.

Well we were considering buying a new house but have decided to stay put since we no longer need the extra space. But we are reorganizing to make better use of space and doing some painting. Yesterday, we finished moving David out of the current home office space, and painted the room. Today we will be moving Caleb into that room.

Yesterday we also spent sometime getting Madilyn’s room ready to paint. Her walls are a horrible mess. One of our former foster kids put a lot of nail holes in the walls, and somehow got them really dirty. Madilyn’s arrival was so unexpected that we did not have time to paint the room. Well 18 months later we are finally getting around to it.

Caleb’s former room will be painted and become a playroom with video games, air hockey and other family fun stuff. YIPPEE— we will get our garage back. Our currently play area is in the garage and is not usable during summer and winter. I hate parking in the driveway, especially on rainy days and freezing cold days.

In Spring we plan to paint the downstairs.

I am doing a little better, but still not back to 100%. Guess it will take a while. School is out for two weeks. I am just hoping that I can fill my time so that I do not have time to dwell on life in general.

I am planning on working at David’s new office space to help him get it painted and ready for his new business launch in a few months. I just have to be careful not to over do it.

Those that pray continue to pray, it has been and will continue to be a long road.

I had another bad day today. I just don’t understand how people in my extended family can show more compassion to a person who is on TV than to their own family members. Several members of the family have not once said, “we are sorry,” or “I’m praying for you,” however, they post in public places that they are praying for someone from a television show. This baffles me, here I am in pain and they have continued to ignore the pain and have continued to not even acknowledge our loss.

Its been a while since David and I have been able to go out on a date due to no sitter, illness and just being busy. Our sitter has gone back to school and we have not been able to find a new person to watch Madilyn. In addition to this I have not felt well since September. After having a great weekend with the kids I decided that we needed to have a night with just the two of us. We needed to just stop with our busy life, and make time to have a little time to ourselves.

I talked to a few teachers and found a sitter, so I picked a date and asked David to clear his schedule. A few weeks ago I won a gift certificate to Bokita’s. We decided that we would try it out. The place was wonderful. We had great service, food and wine. It was great to have dinner with just the two of us.

I love that my husband supports me and understands my pain. My problem has been that in this whole thing I have not truly stopped long enough to understand that he is in just as much pain as I am in. I feel so guilty for not seeing this and not being there for him. I will get better, emotionally it will just take time.

Those of you who read this please continue to pray for us. Pray that our marriage will stay strong, and that we will both heal emotionally.

We spent last night in downtown Chattanooga and then hit up the Tennessee Aquarium this morning. We had a great time. There were very few visitors to the aquarium. We were able to let Madilyn out of her stroller, so she was able to walk around and look at the stuff she wanted to look at. She loved the penguins and otters she was so excited watching them. She was so cute to watch. We all enjoyed the day.

It was nice to have a few good days in a row.