House of Lloyd

The language of the world of adoption is a politically correct whirlpool that is hard to muddle through. Everyone has their own opinions of what each member of the adoption triad should be called. Birth parent is one of the most accepted terms in the world of adoption and one of the terms that I really CANNOT stand. The term birth parent is not one that can be monopolized and used only when speaking about adoption.

In the adoption world the term “birth parent” is used to describe a person who has given life to a child and then willingly relinquished or unwillingly had that child removed from their custody. However, in the world outside of adoption “birth parent” refers to ALL who have contributed to creating the life of a child. So in the world of adoption I am not a birth parent, but in the world outside of adoption I am a birth parent.

On adoption boards and other media when people are talking about the children in their lives, they give them a label. Adopted children are called adopted and birth children that are being raised by their natural parents are called biological. Many of the birth parents that participate in the adoption forums get really offended if adoptive parents refer to a child as “my birth child”, when that child was not placed for adoption. People who have placed children for adoption go nuts, complaining that the poster has “MISUSED” the term birth child are devaluing the process in which they have gone through by mislabeling the child as being a birth child and not a biological child. The fact is that the child is both, one parent just choose to raise the child while the other either gave up their rights of lost their rights to raise the child.

The terms MEAN the same thing. So why does it matter? Those who have placed their children for adoption need to realize that the term birth parent also applies to others outside of adoption.

As an adoptive parent I follow many blogs, forums and other media to keep up to date on laws and trends in adoption. Every year I get so aggravated at the post that come out around mothers day. The post usually start out something like this: “what are you getting your child’s bmom for Mothers Day?” or “Should I or should I not get the bmom of my adopted child a Mother’s Day card?’ These post drive me insane. Every adoption on the face of the planet is unique so only YOU- the parents of the children in question can answer those questions. What works for my family may or may not work for your family.

When people ask me directly if I plan to do anything for Madilyn’s bparents the answer is “No!”

I am Madilyn’s mother. No I did not give birth to her, but I am legally and emotionally her mother. Just as David is legally and emotionally her father. Some birth parents (HATE THIS TERM BUT IT IS FOR ANOTHER POST) and others who have adopted immediately assume that I am threatened by a relationship with the biological parents. No I do not feel threatened by a relationship with them. It is simple- they had a baby, they did not want another baby, they placed the baby for adoption. We wanted a baby, we could not have another baby, so we adopted. When the bio parents signed the paperwork, they gave up all rights to be parents to Madilyn, this in my mind includes recognition on Mother’s and Father’s Day. When David and I signed the paperwork we took on all of the responsibilities of being her parents and we earn the right to be called Mom and Dad, everyday by loving her and taking care of her emotional and physical needs.

I understand that many couples are in Open Adoptions, and they have open relationships with the birth parents of their children. Well that is great for you. However, that is not possible in our situation- there are many untold reasons why. Some people view my thoughts on this as “cold or uncaring.” I don’t think they are cold or uncaring. I just need to do what is best for Maidlyn, and at this point a relationship with her bmom is not in her best interest or in the best interest of my family. Madilyn only needs 1 mother and 1 father, and that is what she has.

So it took about 3 months to get all of the paperwork necessary for me to apply for my pay raise for my new degree. Well today I received notification from the State Professional Standards Commission that the paperwork I submitted was not correctly done. The problem is that the transcripts that were provided to me by KSU did not have a graduation date printed on the transcript. So I had to call KSU and try to figure out how to get a correctly formatted transcript so that I can get my new upgraded teaching certificate.