Adoption and love- FTB

man_woman_heart_3Throughout our adoption journey we had people warn us in very concerned tones that we could never love an adopted child like our own. People told us that it just would not be the same, and that we should be prepared to not feel the same for an adopted child as we did for our biological child. These comments hurt especially when coming from close family and friends. Comments like these made me question if our family would embrace an “outsider” into the family, would our friends embrace an “outsider” into our circle. Could they love my adopted child like they love my biological child?

David and I had many discussions about this and the seeds of fear that people had planted in our hearts and minds. Could we love an adopted child like we love Caleb? The answer is absolutely YES.
When I first laid eyes on Madilyn in the hotel lobby, my heart swelled with love for her. When I took her out of the car seat and held her for the first time I exploded with love for her. People have said that “couples have a 9 month bond with a baby when it is born, you won’t have that bond.” You know what they were right David and I did not have a 9 month bond with Madilyn, we had something greater. While Madilyn did not grow in my womb for 9 months, she grew in our hearts for over 3 years. We loved her and prayed for her for years before she was even being formed.
God prepared our hearts to love her with a love that is just like the love that I have for Caleb. I did not have to “grow” to love her it did not take time for that love and bond to form. The love was there before I boarded the plane to go and meet her for the first time. The love was there while we waited ALL DAY long for the adoption agency to bring her to us. The love was there at 11:30 at night when I had given up seeing her that day and was getting ready for bed. The love was there when the phone rang at 11:35 pm telling us they would be there in 10 minutes. The love was there when I saw the social worker with the car seat at 11:45 pm. The love was there when I saw her face for the first time and the love was there when I held her in my arms for the first time. I know many other adoptive parents who feel the same way.
Those of you who have not adopted and know someone who is going through the process please don’t plant seeds of doubt in their hearts and minds by questioning the love they will or will not have for the child. Pray for them and their soon to be addition, your attitudes toward this topic will go a long way in helping the love between the adoptive parent and child grow even before they meet.
This post is “From the Basement” of Lloyd Home and was originally posted May 15, 2010.

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