I have two kids…

cm3I had an interesting conversation with a student this past week. This student asked me how I really felt about my daughter. I looked confused and said, “what do you mean?” She said, “well she is adopted and Caleb is not. Do you feel the same way about them both or do you love him more?” I do not advertise to my students that Madilyn is adopted. However, some students know because they know Caleb, or they knew us from one of our former churches, or they have heard through the rumor mill.

I found the question interesting and wondered why such a question would ever be asked.  Turns out she babysits for a family that adopted two children and then had a biological child. She insist that the biological child is treated differently and better than the adoptive children. Her comments on this family broke my heart. No child deserves to feel less than. No child deserves to fell inadequate because they are adopted. She is so disturbed by the treatment of the adoptive children that she wants to quit babysitting for this family. I can not say that I blame her. It would be hard to work and follow instructions on the care of children if you felt you had to treat them differently. To be clear this is not an abusive situation, it has been described as a situation where parents are more strict with the adoptive children then the birth child.

After she told her story I answered her question in the following way. “I have two kids. One I gave birth to and one I adopted. Both of them are my kids. One is not better than the other. One is not more privileged than the other. One is not loved more than the other. They are equals.”  I strive everyday to let my kids know that we love them both unconditionally. Both of my children were very much wanted and are very much loved.”

I hope that when outsiders look at our family they don’t see the adopted kid and the biological kid. I hope what they see is a family that loves each other.

Photo by Donna


Comments are closed.