One of the hardest parts of adoption was answering the questions posed by the adoption facilitators and agency workers that pertained to what would be acceptable in a placed child. We were forced to come face to face with hard questions and we had to be honest when answering these questions. It is important that prospective adoptive parents reflect on and answer posed questions honestly.
When David and I answered the questions we were honest and realistic about our abilities to raise children who were born with different issues. There were some things we were open too, some things we were open to with limits and some things that we were not open too at all.
It should be noted that the more you restrict what you are open to the longer your wait period may be for a child. However, you should not change your restrictions in order to expedite placement of an adoptive child. You need to be honest about your feelings, attitudes and capabilities to cope with problems and issues that may accompany a child that you adopt.
People who are considering adoption should be prepared to answer questions similar in nature to these:
- Does race matter to you?
- Does race matter to your extended family members?
- If you are willing to accept placement of a child of a different race, which races are you open to?
- Are you willing to accept a biracial child?
- If you are willing to accept placement of a biracial child which races are acceptable?
- Are you willing to accept placement of a drug exposed child? If yes, how much exposure is acceptable? Exposure to which drugs is acceptable?
- Are you willing to accept placement of a alcohol exposed child? If yes, how much exposure is acceptable?
- Are you willing to accept placement of a child that has been exposed to both drugs and alcohol?
- Are you willing to accept placement of a child with an unknown birth-father?
- Are you willing to accept placement of a child in which the birth-father is unknown and race of the child can not be determined?
- Are you willing to accept placement of a child who’s biological parents have a history of mental illness?
- If you are willing to accept a child with a family history of mental illness which mental illnesses are acceptable?
- Are you willing to accept placement of a child with a physical disability?
- If you are willing to accept a child with a physical disability which disabilities are acceptable?
These are just a few of the questions that will be asked during the adoption application process.
Agencies use the answers to these types of questions to help determine which expectant bmoms to show your profile too. After we submitted the answers to the questions our agency never pressured us to change our minds about our answers. They were very sensitive and respectful of our answers to these questions. I have heard from people who said their agency pressured them to change answers or accept placements that they were not 100% comfortable with. Ethical agencies do not participate in those types of practices.
When answering the preplacement questions David and I checked the box saying that we were open to a child of any race. When we got the call about Madilyn we were so excited about becoming parents again. We asked lots of questions about her and her bmom but the one question we did not ask was “What race is she?” Race was not important to us, we would have accepted placement and loved her no matter what her race was. Some people do not feel comfortable with doing that and that is alright. They just need to be honest about it when answering the preplacemnet questions.
After these questions are answered the next thing that needs to be decided is what type of adoption you would like to have: Open, Semi-Open or Closed. Next week I will discuss these three types of adoption arrangements.