Rudest Adoption Question

Recently someone asked me one of the rudest question pertaining to adoption that I have ever been asked. The question was, “How much did you pay for your daughter?”   I found this question to not only be rude but also offensive.  This question made it sound like my daughter was a commodity made available for purchase and not a human being. I know that people are curious about adoption and the process but the wording of this question was very off putting.  This question is equivalent to me asking someone, “How much money do you have in the bank? or “How much is your mortgage?’ or “How much do you weigh?” These are questions that you just don’t verbalize.

The money that is spent in the process of adoption is not used to “buy” the child. Adoptive parents pay fees to agencies involved in the process of adoption. Agency fees are  paid in order to process all of the adoption paperwork (home studies, criminal background checks, post placement visits, ICPC etc.).  These fees are also  used in some cases to provide support and counseling for birth mothers during and immediately after the pregnancy.  Additionally adoption is legal process that requires legal and court fees to be paid in order to finalize the adoption.

Agency and legal fees vary from state to state and even from situation to situation. Adoptive parents have options when it comes to choosing an agency. David and I made decisions during the adoption process concerning what fees we would and would not pay and what type of fees we would place a cap. We passed on many situations because we felt some of the fees being charged were too much.

It should not be implied that adoptive parents are buying babies. The money exchanged in the adoption process is not  used to pay for a child, but is used to pay  agency and legal services.

I really wish people would think before they ask rude and insensitive questions.

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2 Responses to “Rudest Adoption Question”

  1. Laura Webber says:

    Do you read the blog ‘Single Dad Laughing?’ He also wrote a post yesterday on the very same subject and it made me think of you! His site is Sorry that people CHOOSE not to considerate before they speak.

  2. Donna says:

    No I have not seen “Single Dad Laughing.” I just read his post and thought WOW– I can not believe that this happens so often. Several of his other comments were also things I have heard and make me cringe.

    I thought it was ironic that I posted this blog and one of the top stories on was about black market babies being sold to the highest bidder.