From the Basement- Being a Mother

holding_handsI will say this and probably offend everyone who reads it, but here it is as plain as I can say it:

Giving birth does not make you a mother, it takes more than giving birth to be a mother.
I get so annoyed when people say things like, “your mom deserves your love because she gave you birth.” So do I not deserve Madilyn’s love because I did not give birth to her? Why exactly should the process of birth grant a person unconditional love?
For the record I think that people should have to pass a series of tests before becoming parents, some people just don’t need to have children. While doing foster care I saw the results of horrific abuse. David and I were more parental and loving to the children in our care than their parents ever were. Should these abusers who gave birth to these children receive love just because they gave the child life?
I also dislike comments such as “Do you know her REAL mother?” Yes, I do because I am her real mother.  These comments are like a slap in the face.  I could not give her life but I do currently give her a life.
Some of the best mothers I know never gave birth, but they give life and love on a daily basis.  Mothers are made through daily demonstrations of unconditional love and care not by the one time event of giving birth.
*Originally posted on May 10, 2010

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