Does she know?

familyshadowsLast week I was sitting in my office when a co-worker walked in and asked, “Does Madilyn know she is adopted?” I was taken aback by the question. It’s not a question I am asked often.  I was more surprised by the question than anything else.

Long story short, my coworker was asking because a 14 year old child had just found out by accident that he is adopted and his parents are furious because they had not planned on telling him until he was 18. The child is understandably mad at his parents and full of questions.

David and I decided early on to be truthful with Madilyn about how she came to be with our family.  We did not want her to find out by accident. We did not want her to be shocked and hurt by the information. We want her to grow up feeling confident in who she is and where she came from.  Adoption is not a taboo subject in our home.

So, yes she knows. Well she knows as much as any recently turned 5 year old can know and understand about the situation. She has started asking questions about her birth and growing in my tummy. It is hard for me to answer some of her questions but I do so in an honest, loving, and caring manner. She is not yet old enough for all of the details. Right now we are keeping it to the basics, “you did not grow in my tummy.” As she gets older we will give age appropriate information.

I understand why parents keep this information from children, but I don’t think this is something I could do with my children.  David and I felt that the best thing for our family was to be open and honest with her.

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