Mother’s Day and Adoption

As an adoptive parent I follow many blogs, forums and other media to keep up to date on laws and trends in adoption. Every year I get so aggravated at the post that come out around mothers day. The post usually start out something like this: “what are you getting your child’s bmom for Mothers Day?” or “Should I or should I not get the bmom of my adopted child a Mother’s Day card?’ These post drive me insane. Every adoption on the face of the planet is unique so only YOU- the parents of the children in question can answer those questions. What works for my family may or may not work for your family.

When people ask me directly if I plan to do anything for Madilyn’s bparents the answer is “No!”

I am Madilyn’s mother. No I did not give birth to her, but I am legally and emotionally her mother. Just as David is legally and emotionally her father. Some birth parents (HATE THIS TERM BUT IT IS FOR ANOTHER POST) and others who have adopted immediately assume that I am threatened by a relationship with the biological parents. No I do not feel threatened by a relationship with them. It is simple- they had a baby, they did not want another baby, they placed the baby for adoption. We wanted a baby, we could not have another baby, so we adopted. When the bio parents signed the paperwork, they gave up all rights to be parents to Madilyn, this in my mind includes recognition on Mother’s and Father’s Day. When David and I signed the paperwork we took on all of the responsibilities of being her parents and we earn the right to be called Mom and Dad, everyday by loving her and taking care of her emotional and physical needs.

I understand that many couples are in Open Adoptions, and they have open relationships with the birth parents of their children. Well that is great for you. However, that is not possible in our situation- there are many untold reasons why. Some people view my thoughts on this as “cold or uncaring.” I don’t think they are cold or uncaring. I just need to do what is best for Maidlyn, and at this point a relationship with her bmom is not in her best interest or in the best interest of my family. Madilyn only needs 1 mother and 1 father, and that is what she has.

One Response to “Mother’s Day and Adoption”

  1. Jenn Wagner says:

    OMG I so TOTALLY agree with you. If it is an open adoption then fine. But if it is like yours no, you dont need to send pictures, cards, etc. I agree they gave up those rights. I dont think that it is you being threatening by them at all. Anyway I agree. :O) Not that it matters LOL