Is it lying?

I know that I should not be concerned about what others think about me but there is one situation that bothers me a lot, and it seems to come up often. I often feel the need to clear up any confusion because I don’t want people to get the wrong idea.

When meeting people for the first time one of the first questions that is asked is, “do you have kids?” When I say,  “yes I have two”, the next question is usually “how old are they.” When I say “14 and 2” I get puzzled looks and additional questions. Usually people think that Caleb is either mine or David’s from a previous relationship and Madilyn is the result of a second marriage. I just hate that people make assumptions about my life, relationships and children based on a few “getting to know you” questions. I guess it is in human nature to assume things.

I don’t see the need to go into the details of our family planning, but people will continue with follow up questions, such as “Did you plan the big age difference?” Of course the answer to this is “No”, which will sometimes lead to the question of “was she an accident? So if I exclude the fact that Madilyn is adopted am I lying by omission? Sometimes I feel guilty for not being 100% honest even though the age difference between my kids is really no ones business. If the person and I become friends and the adoption is disclosed at a later date will they feel like I was lying to them in our initial conversations and then feel like they can not trust me, or will they understand that some questions have guarded answers upon initial meetings?

So how honest should you be when you are meeting people that you know you will come into contact with again in the future? I just do not want people thinking things that are not true about me and my family.

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4 Responses to “Is it lying?”

  1. Cheryl Manis says:

    Donna, I like to tell people that it was all in God’s timing. yours are 14 and 2 but think we go from 23 to newborns soon. Waiting for the first time the twins are called my grandchildren.

  2. carly says:

    I don’t think it’s ‘lying’, even by omission. Adoption is such a private thing for some people. If you end up being closer to these people in the long run to the point you DO disclose the adoption, they should know you well enough to understand why you didn’t tell them from the word go. Maddi is YOURS; maybe not by birth, but you are her mommy and David is her daddy and Caleb is her big brother. You don’t owe people explanations for anything.

  3. donna says:

    Sometimes I feel like I want to say something just because by not saying something I feel our family is seen in a different and incorrect light that I don’t really like.

  4. Renee says:

    Well, you have the two God gave you, and that’s all they really need to know. It was in His timing.