Yesterday I posted something on Facebook that was not positive about a relationship being damaged because the other person is uncaring and rude and does not think about my feelings only their selfishness. The very first person to call me out was my Youth Leader. She wanted to make sure that I was not just venting on Facebook and that I had done as the Bible had instructed. While I had done as instructed in the Bible it was great to know that my youth leader of the past still cared about me and only wants the best for me. Here I am a grown up with grown up problems and the people in my life that still help me are the leaders from my youth. I went to a small church, we had all of 12 or 13 youth group members. Today most of us are still friends, we communicate and share our lives and our youth leaders are still here to help guide us through what life throws at us even after all these years. Thank you Tom and Karen for being there then and still being here now, thank you for answering that call so long ago.
Author Archive
Pray for Revolution Church
Monday, May 17th, 2010Adoption and Love
Saturday, May 15th, 2010
Throughout our adoption journey we had people warn us in very concerned tones that we could never love an adopted child like our own. People told us that it just would not be the same, and that we should be prepared to not feel the same for an adopted child as we did for our biological child. These comments hurt especially when coming from close family and friends. (more…)
How to grow grass…
Saturday, May 15th, 2010
Plant a garden and grass will grow.
Hilton Head Vacation- Recap
Friday, May 14th, 2010
May is a busy time for us with David’s birthday, our anniversary and Mother’s Day all in one week. We thought what better time to take time to spend with the family so we decided to head to Hilton Head. We left Thursday afternoon and returned on Monday. We decided to stay at the Hilton Head Marriott Resort which turned out to be a good choice. (more…)
19 Years and Counting
Tuesday, May 11th, 2010
So this post is a little late, but I was out of town enjoying my family. However, I still wanted to write out my thoughts on this matter.
As of May 8, 2010 David and I have been married 19 years. It is hard for me to believe that I have now been married 1/2 of my life. When we married in 1991 most people including our family and friends did not think that we would last. I am sure that behind closed doors people were taking bets on how long we would last and grieving over our decision to ruin our lives.
David and I met in August of 1990. I had just turned 18 and was a Freshman at Lee University. David was 20 and a Junior. We had only known each other for about four weeks when my life got turned upside down and I left Lee. We were in a crazy kind of young love relationship. At the time computers were not common place and neither were cell phones. So we had to keep in touch the good old fashion way– Handwritten, mailed letters, I still have all of the letters that we exchanged during this time period.
In January of 1991 I returned to Lee and we were married in May after our final exams. We had only known each other for 9 months and half of that time we were not even together in person. I think we got to know each other so well because we were forced to communicate through our writing.
We have had a great 19 years and I look forward to many more years with him. We have had our share of heartbreak and trials, but all in all we have been happy.
Our Mile Stones
- 1991- Eloped at the county courthouse in Cleveland, TN. Only 2 of our friends believed we were actually getting married and showed up at the appointed time.
- 1993- David graduated from college and landed his first programming job.
- 1995- Donna graduated from college and began working at the college.
- 1996- After trying for 3 years to have a baby and using fertility drugs Caleb is born in June. We moved to GA when I was 7 months pregnant because David was offered a better job.
- Late 1996- I got my first teaching job, but it was in TN. We lived apart for the year, with me traveling home most weekends. On the weekends I could not come home David came to TN to see us. It was a challenge but we made it work. I think our family thought we were having problems, but we were not. David and I just decided that it was alright for me to chase my dream of being a teacher.
- 1997- Got my second teaching job in Kennesaw, GA
- 1999- We bought our first home.
- 2000-2004 Not very eventful.
- 2005- Started the foster to adopt process with the state of GA
- 2007- Sold our home and bought a new home in Canton, GA.
- Late 2007- with no prospects for adoption we stopped foster to adopt and found a private adoption agency.
- Late 2008- Madilyn came home to us.
- 2009- Adoption Finalized, Donna Graduates College again, re-enrolls in college again, miscarriage and David lost his new business venture to a fire.
- 2010- Our struggles continue but we are stronger as a couple and look forward to many more adventures.
What does year 20 hold for us?
Being a mother
Monday, May 10th, 2010
I will say this and probably offend everyone who reads it, but here it is as plain as I can say it:
So what should we call them?
Monday, May 10th, 2010
The language of the world of adoption is a politically correct whirlpool that is hard to muddle through. Everyone has their own opinions of what each member of the adoption triad should be called. Birth parent is one of the most accepted terms in the world of adoption and one of the terms that I really CANNOT stand. The term birth parent is not one that can be monopolized and used only when speaking about adoption.
In the adoption world the term “birth parent” is used to describe a person who has given life to a child and then willingly relinquished or unwillingly had that child removed from their custody. However, in the world outside of adoption “birth parent” refers to ALL who have contributed to creating the life of a child. So in the world of adoption I am not a birth parent, but in the world outside of adoption I am a birth parent.
On adoption boards and other media when people are talking about the children in their lives, they give them a label. Adopted children are called adopted and birth children that are being raised by their natural parents are called biological. Many of the birth parents that participate in the adoption forums get really offended if adoptive parents refer to a child as “my birth child”, when that child was not placed for adoption. People who have placed children for adoption go nuts, complaining that the poster has “MISUSED” the term birth child are devaluing the process in which they have gone through by mislabeling the child as being a birth child and not a biological child. The fact is that the child is both, one parent just choose to raise the child while the other either gave up their rights of lost their rights to raise the child.
The terms MEAN the same thing. So why does it matter? Those who have placed their children for adoption need to realize that the term birth parent also applies to others outside of adoption.
Happy Birthday David- I’m a horrible wife=(
Thursday, May 6th, 2010
Happy Birthday David-
David turned 40 today. For his birthday I had a meltdown. I have been trying so hard to be strong and not be emotional during the past several days.
I had been symptom free since my surgery. Well about 4 days ago most of my pre-surgery symptoms returned. I once again experiencing nausea most of the day, I have horrible pelvic pain and I just want to scratch all of the skin off of my body. I have been miserable for days and I have had enough. Actually I have been miserable for months, and I am just fed up with it. I am really having a hard time with all of this. Why can I just not get better and stay better. Why do I have to continue to suffer? What good can come out of all of this?
I feel like a horrible wife, because I had a meltdown on David’s birthday. It was to be his day, and all I could do was cry and be upset about what is going on with me. Of course, I think that anyone else who has had these symptoms for 6 months would be just as likely to melt down once in a while. I am to the point of wanting to just crawl in bed and never get up again. When can I be normal again? Why in the world did this surgery NOT work for me? Why did I have to be the 1 in 4 that it does not work on? This really sucks. But what sucks more is that I could not wait a few days to have a meltdown.
Mother’s Day and Adoption
Monday, May 3rd, 2010
As an adoptive parent I follow many blogs, forums and other media to keep up to date on laws and trends in adoption. Every year I get so aggravated at the post that come out around mothers day. The post usually start out something like this: “what are you getting your child’s bmom for Mothers Day?” or “Should I or should I not get the bmom of my adopted child a Mother’s Day card?’ These post drive me insane. Every adoption on the face of the planet is unique so only YOU- the parents of the children in question can answer those questions. What works for my family may or may not work for your family.
When people ask me directly if I plan to do anything for Madilyn’s bparents the answer is “No!”
I am Madilyn’s mother. No I did not give birth to her, but I am legally and emotionally her mother. Just as David is legally and emotionally her father. Some birth parents (HATE THIS TERM BUT IT IS FOR ANOTHER POST) and others who have adopted immediately assume that I am threatened by a relationship with the biological parents. No I do not feel threatened by a relationship with them. It is simple- they had a baby, they did not want another baby, they placed the baby for adoption. We wanted a baby, we could not have another baby, so we adopted. When the bio parents signed the paperwork, they gave up all rights to be parents to Madilyn, this in my mind includes recognition on Mother’s and Father’s Day. When David and I signed the paperwork we took on all of the responsibilities of being her parents and we earn the right to be called Mom and Dad, everyday by loving her and taking care of her emotional and physical needs.
I understand that many couples are in Open Adoptions, and they have open relationships with the birth parents of their children. Well that is great for you. However, that is not possible in our situation- there are many untold reasons why. Some people view my thoughts on this as “cold or uncaring.” I don’t think they are cold or uncaring. I just need to do what is best for Maidlyn, and at this point a relationship with her bmom is not in her best interest or in the best interest of my family. Madilyn only needs 1 mother and 1 father, and that is what she has.
Ed.S- 1 Semester Down
Saturday, May 1st, 2010
Thursday night I completed my 1st semester in the Educational Leadership Ed.S Program at KSU. It has been a very hard semester so I am glad that it is over. I did receive A’s in both classes and my first 6 credits toward the degree. At times it was a struggle just to make it to class much less finish assignments and research for papers.