It happens to ….

I hate it when people say, “It happens to a lot of people.” Well those words do not make it better, they do not comfort and those words do not help those mourning the loss of a child. I have found that the people who say this when discussing miscarriage or infertility have ZERO experience with either. This phrase is usually used to end the conversation and to dismiss the feelings that I and other couples are experiencing.

Notice I said couples, miscarriage and infertility is not a women’s issue, it is a couples issue. In many cases women can find someone to talk to that understands the gravity of their feelings. However, men have a harder time finding someone to talk to about these kinds of issues. I am thankful but sad that David has a friend to talk to about these issues. Thankful because he needs someone to talk with, but sad because this other couple is riding the same emotional roller coaster that we are riding.

Just when I think I am doing better something triggers my emotions. Last night I was watching Army Wives, and you guessed it one of the main characters had a miscarriage. The episode portrayed the feelings of both the man and women in a wonderful way. They acknowledged that a miscarriage was a loss of life that is not only physically painful but emotionally painful for both of the grieving parents.

In one scene the husband said “it happens” the wife Roxy said “its never happened to me before.” This type of tragedy is one that we are not prepared for, it is one that in the past has been hush hush and not talked about or acknowledged. It is a shame that so many people have had to face this type of loss alone. It is a further shame that the loss is not recognized by family and friends and that it is something that people think should just be forgotten. Well that is easier said than done. I can not forget the baby that should have been born just a few weeks from now.


One Response to “It happens to ….”

  1. jmontour says:

    Donna, once again your words touch something so deep inside of me. My heart breaks for you. I pray for you and the rest of your family to heal from this loss…