Posts Tagged ‘miscarriage’

Pro-Lifers sometimes confuse me

Tuesday, January 31st, 2012

I am pro-life. I do not believe that women should kill their unborn children. I have a deep conviction that all life is precious and that life begins at the moment of conception. Most people who hold the stance of being pro-life also hold these same convictions. (more…)

Happy day for some…

Saturday, May 7th, 2011

Mother’s Day can be one of the most painful days of the years for those who desire children but can’t have them.  After years of struggling with infertility and the pain associated with not having a child I can relate to those who are enduring this struggle. (more…)

Is Miscarriage Murder?

Saturday, March 5th, 2011

Georgia Rep. Bobby Franklin wants all miscarriages to be investigated in order to rule out foul play. This is an outrage and the people of Georgia need to bombard  his office letting him know that HB1 is outrageous.  If this bill passes I believe that many women will decide not to seek medical care in the event of a miscarriage if they have not yet been seen by a medical doctor. (more…)

Longest episode ever….

Tuesday, June 1st, 2010

I feel like I am in the longest episode ever of the television show “House.” The doctors can not determine what is wrong with me. Test come back negative and symptoms do not indicate any known illness.   (more…)

It happens to ….

Tuesday, May 25th, 2010

I hate it when people say, “It happens to a lot of people.” Well those words do not make it better, they do not comfort and those words do not help those mourning the loss of a child. I have found that the people who say this when discussing miscarriage or infertility have ZERO experience with either. This phrase is usually used to end the conversation and to dismiss the feelings that I and other couples are experiencing.

Notice I said couples, miscarriage and infertility is not a women’s issue, it is a couples issue. In many cases women can find someone to talk to that understands the gravity of their feelings. However, men have a harder time finding someone to talk to about these kinds of issues. I am thankful but sad that David has a friend to talk to about these issues. Thankful because he needs someone to talk with, but sad because this other couple is riding the same emotional roller coaster that we are riding.

Just when I think I am doing better something triggers my emotions. Last night I was watching Army Wives, and you guessed it one of the main characters had a miscarriage. The episode portrayed the feelings of both the man and women in a wonderful way. They acknowledged that a miscarriage was a loss of life that is not only physically painful but emotionally painful for both of the grieving parents.

In one scene the husband said “it happens” the wife Roxy said “its never happened to me before.” This type of tragedy is one that we are not prepared for, it is one that in the past has been hush hush and not talked about or acknowledged. It is a shame that so many people have had to face this type of loss alone. It is a further shame that the loss is not recognized by family and friends and that it is something that people think should just be forgotten. Well that is easier said than done. I can not forget the baby that should have been born just a few weeks from now.

Hate feeling like this….

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

I am not doing well this week. I am really trying to forget and move on but it just is not happening. The fact that my sister-in-law is expecting does not help matters, along with the fact that I am still having issues from the D&C. I was doing pretty good and then last night the post of “We are having a boy” showed up on my Facebook. Great for you!! I should have found out 2 weeks ago what we were having. I know it is not their fault that I am in pain, but every time something is posted about a baby due around the same time as mine was due I just fall apart. Several weeks ago I blocked post from several pregnant people just so that I could deal and heal. I did not block this one person because they are a family member, however, for my own sanity I need to block their post for the time being.

I know that they have a right to post about the happiness they are having, but I also have a right to mourn without feeling guilty about my feelings of sadness. Mourning takes a while, and takes even longer when you are hit in the face by others expecting and with continued health issues from the miscarriage.


Friday, February 19th, 2010

I went to the doctor today and it seems to have been a wasted visit. I walked out wanting to cry. The doctor was compassionate and believed my symptoms but said she did not know what is wrong. So she gave me a prescription for a uterine infection and said it may or may not work. Then she told me I need to come back in 3 weeks for an ultrasound, that the symptoms and infection may be a result of “non-removed” tissue during the procedure I had to have done in November. What the hell!!! Now I have to wait 3 weeks to see if this is what is causing my symptoms. What about fitting me in, so I can get some piece of mind. If there is still remaining tissues from the D&C in November the medication won’t really help, it will make the infection go away for now but once the course of medication is over in 7 days the infection and symptoms will just return again.

This really SUCKS.

Pregnant Women- Listen Up

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

Pregnant people take note infertile couples do not want to hear the following, these are like slapping an infertile couple in the face.

  • I just wish this baby would come already— We don’t want to hear this especially if you are only a few months along. REALLY- you want your baby right now. It is not developed enough to live. Many couples have experienced just what you are asking for and can tell you the results are almost never good.
  • I hate being fat— Most infertile couples would gain any amount of weight to have a child.
  • I hate morning sickness— Most infertile couples would spend 9 months hugging the toilet seat 24 hours a day if it meant they could have a healthy baby in the end.
  • Sex just isn’t the same— who cares what your sex life is like, you are having a baby. The sex worked liked it was suppose too.
  • Are all of these doctor appointments necessary— Yes!! Most infertile couples would love to be at doctor appointments discussing their growing child.
  • You can always adopt–Are you kidding. I have adopted and it is not like going to Publix and picking up a carton of milk. Adoption is a long hard process and is made more difficult by adoption laws, fickle birthmothers and a whole lot of other stuff.
  • You have your career— Great give me your baby and then you can go get a career.
  • Just think of all the freedom you have with no children— Most infertile couples would rather be tied down with no freedoms than to be childless.
  • Who’s fault is it that you can’t have kids–Okay that one is not just for pregnant people it is for everyone.
  • Doctor visit information–We do not care how far you have dilated, we do not want to hear about your gas or any other personal information related to your having a baby.
  • Every conversation does not need to revolve around YOU and YOUR pregnancy.

I am sure I have left out a few and will add them as I remember them.

Can’t understand “Children are a Gift from God”

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

Psalms 127: 3-5 Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate. (Psalms 127:3-5)

I am having trouble with these verses lately. If children are a gift from God why does it seem that many good couples can not have children but teenagers and sluts (can not think of a better word right now) have ZERO problems conceiving and carrying a baby? I can not understand why God would choose to bless and gift some but not others. I cannot understand why the cries and pleas of many women are not answered with a blessing of a child. I don’t understand why my cries are only answered about YEARS of crying. Each of our children took around 5 years to arrive from the time we decided to add them to our family until their actual arrival.

My children are both miracles, and I been told by some “so-called” Christan people that I should not have either of them because they are “stolen” gifts. Caleb is stolen because we used fertility treatments to conceive him. Madilyn is stolen because she is adopted from a woman who had been “blessed” 3 other times already at the young age of 21.

I don’t understand why women who have waited for years for a pregnancy are surprised with one only to have the baby miscarry. How is a miscarriage a gift from God? It seems a little bit like Indian giving.

Trying to process this is hard. Especially when so many people I know are having child after child, and when many people I know have lost their children. It is even harder when those who can have children see the need to flaunt it in your face every chance they get.

Stop the ride, I want off the roller coaster!!!

Monday, November 30th, 2009

The title about sums it up. I need to get off of the ride. However, there is NO way to get off the roller coaster of life. You just have to go with the flow and make the best of it.

I am in the midst of grieving a loss that I can not understand. I don’t think I will ever understand the will of God in this situation. I can not be strong like others and say “why not me” all I can say is “why me?”

I feel like a cursed woman. To live with infertility for years is hell. To live after miscarriage is hell. To live after miscarriage and have several friends and family members announce that they are expecting is even a greater hell to live through. I know it is not their fault that my body does not work right, but my goodness wait a few days to make your announcements. Its been less than a week since my loss and I am expected to jump up and down and tell you how happy for you I am. Well I CAN NOT do that. Let me move on a little before you flaunt your happiness. Show me a little compassion.

Remember just because I can not be happy with you does not mean I am not happy for you. Give me time and eventually I will be happy with you.