I have been dreading the arrival of the fall and winter seasons for the past few months. Just the smell in the air and drop in temperature is a reminder of the events of last Fall. Fall 2009, started out as one of the happiest times of my life. However, it ended up being the most painful and sad time I have ever experienced.
My goal for this fall is to focus on hope and the future of my family. I know that I will never forget what could have been but, I can not live my life focused on loss. Grief can cripple your life if you allow it to swallow you. I am not saying I don’t still grieve for our loss. I am saying that I can no longer let grief consume me. Since my last surgery, I have done better at not letting grief overcome me. My constant health issues were an ever present reminder of what we had lost. Thankfully those issues are gone and I feel better physically than I have felt in years.
The arrival of Fall has brought back the reminders of loss and sorrow in my life. I find myself struggling to focus on hope and the future. I know that with each passing Fall it will get easier and easier, but this first one is kicking my butt. I just keep reminding myself of the words found in Jeremiah 29:11–
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”