Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~Barnett R. Brickner
Twenty-four years is a long time to be married. It is a long time to be with any one person. I credit our success to God and our connection with one another. Throughout our marriage David and I have tried to be intentional about staying connected to each other. Without strong connections relationships can become strained and damaged. Connecting with another person is sometimes difficult but it is necessary. Connections do not just happen, you have to make them happen. Sometimes it is the little things that help to maintain a connection.
I am not a marriage counselor. I am just an everyday person that has been in a successful relationship for years. I have used the tips below for the past 24 years. I feel that doing these things have helped to make my marriage what it is today.
My tips for a Successful Marriage
- Make your relationship a priority. One way we do this is by limiting our children’s extra curricular activities. We limit our kids to two activities at a time so that they do not have a monopoly on our calendar. Many parents spend so much time catering to the kids that they forget to nurture their marriage.
- Make God a Priority. We know that we can not do this alone. We depend on our faith and relationship with God to make it through each and every day.
- Have date nights. During our date nights talking about the kids is off limits. We do not get in as many date nights as we would like, but we make the most out of our time together.
- Choose your battles. We choose not to fight over every little thing. We do not speak to each other in anger or criticize each other. When we do fight or argue we do it in a fair and calm way. We always resolve our spats prior to going to bed for the night.
- Always take their calls. No matter what I am doing if my cell phone rings or office phone rings and caller ID shows it is David I pause what I am doing and take the call. I do not ignore his call. I always make time for him even during my busy work days I put him first.
- Serve each other. I try to serve my husband in some way everyday. This concept may sound strange to some, but basically all it means is to do something to aid your spouse or to do something positive to help your spouse. I try to find ways to make David’s life easier each day. It may be that I get up early and fold laundry so he does not have to help with the task. I may pack his lunch. Every week I drop his dry cleaning off and then pick it up. These small things help him, and show him my love in a small yet tangible way.
- Celebrate your partners successes or accomplishments. Big or small all of our successes should be celebrated by our partner. After all who does not like a pat on the back. When David is happy at my success it makes me happy. When David finishes a big project for work and I show excitement about it, it makes him happy. We should be proud of our spouses and their hard work.
- Talk to each other without distractions. This was so much easier before the invention of the cell phone, social media, and kids. Just 10 minutes a day of uninterrupted real conversation can do so much for a relationship. It does not matter what you talk about as long as you are talking.
- Look for the good in each other. We can all be annoying at times or have bad habits. Nothing can tear down a relationship quicker than nit-picking your partners and complaining about the habits that they had prior to your meeting them. Do not focus on the things that annoy and frustrate, focus on the positive things and your relationship will grow. Focus on the things that you love about your spouse.
- Be a team at all times. Our actions during time of distressing situations can affect our relationship long after the event has passed. It is important that a couple work through difficult situations together. It is important to not shut your spouse out when you are having a difficult time personally. What affects you affects your spouse.
My advice is free so you can take it or leave it.
What advice do you have for successful marriages?