Then and Now- Devotional

As I mentioned a few weeks ago I started working through a devotional book called “The One Year Book of Hope” by Nancy Guthrie.  I am just wrapping up week two of the study.  I can already see a big difference in my personal and spiritual life.  Having never really dealt with significant loss in my life I did not know how to process my emotions when I was hit in the face with the loss of my child.   I found myself stuck in the same cycle of taking one step forward only to take several steps back.  Finally I feel like I have finished grasping at straws and am making progress in emotional and spiritual healing.

Verse: I am dying from grief; my years are shortened by sadness.  Misery has drained my strength; I am wasting away from within.  But I am trusting you, O Lord saying, “You are my God!” My future is in your hands  (Psalm 31: 10, 14-15). The first half of these verses describes how I spent the past several months of my life, while the second half expresses how I am trying to live now.

For a long time I did feel like I was going to die from my grief.  I felt like I did not have the strength to complete the daily task involved in living life.   I cannot remember a time in my life where I had felt so much sorrow.  I felt like I was in a living hell.  I am not going to lie or sugar coat it, there are some days that I still feel that way.

I do not know what the turning point was but a few weeks ago I decided that while I am still sad I have to move on from being overcome with grief.  This is not to say that I do not have days filled with sorrow because of what our family has lost.  It just means that now I am going to make efforts to not let those sad times last for days on end.  I am going to make efforts to reflect more on where my life is going and what my future holds and focus  less on the past and where I have been.   I know I will never forget, but in my grief I cannot stop living the life that I have been given.

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